Uncertainty Fuels Anxiety
Uncertainty fuels anxiety, especially in new situations such as starting a new school and school year, job or role at work, relationship, living situation, phase of life or career. The greater the uncertainty, the bigger your anxiety can grow. Helping you and your child learn to manage their anxiety is not about providing reassurance, that doesn’t really reduce the anxiety. Empowering your child (and yourself) to problem solve the current concern, remember past successes in other new or difficult situations and the personal strengths they already possess (example: having a sense of humor or the ability to look at situations from a different perspective) to handle the uncertainty are great strategies to start being the boss of your anxiety.
The relationship between uncertainty anxiety partly explains why we all saw anxiety mushroom in kids and adults during the COVID-19 pandemic. There was so much uncertainty about the virus and what previously normal activities were “safe” to participate in: interactions with friends, families, co-workers, and between students and teachers. And, most of us had never faced this type of situation before. We didn’t have past successes to rely on. The increase of anxiety during the pandemic was not unfounded. However, life is full of uncertainty and “firsts.” Regular, everyday anxiety feels uncomfortable and tells our brain that since we are uncomfortable there must be something seriously wrong that we need to pay attention and respond to.
Sometimes, anxiety is helpful, like when it reminds us to pay the electric bill, to study for a test, or to slow down when driving in the snow. Other times, it is incredibly unhelpful, like when it tells us that since our friend has not texted us back they probably don’t like us and don’t want to be friends anymore. Possible, but very unlikely. Unfortunately, anxiety is also incredibly imaginative in coming up with potential concerns that hijack our thoughts and make it difficult to stay in the present moment, to work with what is actually happening in front of us, right now.
Anxiety is an Untapped Resource for Creative Writing
It never ceases to amaze me the possible but very unlikely scenarios anxiety can create in the minds of the dozens of tween, teen and adult clients I have met with. It really is a goldmine for creative writing. The most creative anxiety driven possibilities I have heard involved tsunamis hundreds of miles inland, contaminated chip packaging, and individuals behaving in outlandish ways far outside their track record and personality.
Anxiety often creeps in as “what if..” questions with describing possible scenarios such as, “What if I get called on in class and don’t know the answer?” or “What if I have no one to sit with at lunch?” or “What if my boss stops by my desk unexpectedly?” Where anxiety really builds up steam is when the “What if…?” questions begin to spin off each other…
“What if my teacher calls on me in class and I don’t know the answer and then I start sweating and now I’m the gross sweaty kid no one wants to sit by or talk to and I still don’t know the answer so now everyone thinks I’m dumb and sweaty and gross and I have no friends for the rest of the school year and I never date anyone and I end up dying alone?!”
Whew! That’s a lot of anxiety that built up from the first question of the teacher *possibly* calling on you. But my, how creative the progression of thought was! From getting called on in class to dying alone. That does sound scary!
In my sessions with clients, we work together to notice the “What if…” tornados that build up in their daily lives and cause anxiety to overwhelm them. We then look at the options to solve the first “What if…?” scenario. By solving the first problem, we reduce the uncertainty of how to handle the situation, cutting off the “What if…” tornado from growing. At the same time, you build confidence in your problem solving abilities. It also dials down the need for anxiety to create other possible but unlikely scenarios. Hooray!