Emotional Self-Awareness
Let’s talk about feelings. Have you ever been blindsided by your emotions, like getting hit by a rogue wave at the beach? You were enjoying a nice day and then all of sudden you are overwhelmed and enveloped by anxiety, anger, grief or sadness. You are not alone. In my work with kids, teens and adults we often begin by discussing how familiar a client is with identifying and naming their emotions and where they feel them in their body. For example, when you are anxious does your stomach tie in knots, or when you are angry or stressed do your fists or jaw tighten? If we don’t know what we are feeling when we are feeling it, we can become quickly overwhelmed and swept up in our wave of emotion. Additionally, if we have no words for those feelings it can be difficult to communicate to others what is happening with us and get the support, empathy, understanding and validation we need. This is why the toddler years are full of tantrums and behavioral outbursts. They have feelings, big ones, but are still learning the words to express them.
Most people are familiar with the basic emotions of mad, sad, scared, and happy. When helping people understand their own emotions, I usually start with the basics and add anxious, stressed, scared, overwhelmed or others that are specific to why a person is coming to see me. Most of us have certain emotions (usually negative emotions) that are sore spots for us, feelings that are connected to previous experiences or relationships that our amygdala is now hyper aware of and sends us danger cues when they arise. For example, feeling disrespected or unheard can trigger a cascade of negative thoughts and an explosion of feelings. Accurately identifying our emotions in the moment is the first step to managing them.
Dr. Daniel Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA and respected author and lecturer has stated:
“You have to name it to tame it.”
In his work, Dr. Siegel discovered the power to reduce strong emotions can begin with naming them for what they are, resulting in decreased feelings of stress, anxiety and negative thought patterns. As we increase our frequency and accuracy in identifying our feelings we will become less overwhelmed by them and will able to think about what it is we need. To get started, think of a time when you were anxious, really worried about someone or something. As you think of that time, now pay attention to what is happening and where in your body. Is some body part, like your feet or hands, moving with nervous energy? Or do you feel sick to your stomach? Now move to a different emotion such as anger or sad and repeat the process. Keep track of these feelings and the associated bodily sensations connected to those feelings and soon you have a personal map of where you feel your emotions. With this information, you can more quickly assess, identify and manage your emotional state. Keep in mind, everyone’s personal “map” is different. People in the same family often experience emotions differently, and that’s completely normal. Start paying attention to what and where you feel your emotions and you will be well prepared to learn what do with them. In future posts, we’ll explore how we can manage our emotions.
“Anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” -Fred Rogers
Individual therapy is an emotionally safe environment where you can learn more about your feelings and how to manage them. If this sounds like something you need, let’s connect and set up a session.